How MS has effected my metaphysical self

This isn't something about myself I wear on my sleeve.

I spent a period of time in my life exploring and studying topics that some might think is bogus or bunkum or whatever, but I know that the metaphysical exists.  From the beginning of my life, growing up in a house that had an active spirit, something of the metaphysical has been a part of my life.  Shamanism, Animal Ken (which seems to stem from my Medicine) Astral Projection, Magick, even Satanism, Qi-Gong...all of these so-called "fake" things.  They're something I've either shown an affinity for (like my Medicine and Qi-Gong) or just grew up with (Astral and Sight)

Then I came down with Multiple Sclerosis.

It took almost everything from me.  While through hard work I was able to regain my chi and can use my Qi-Gong to a far more limited extent, none of the Magick or Astral tools are there anymore, no matter how I try...maybe I won't be able to again without the help of someone who I think gets it like I get it.  That's a short list of people I know.  A very short list.

It's actually made me afraid to try to contact the Totems.  Better that I still have my Animal Ken, so I know I'm not forsaken or spited (if animals suddenly started hating me for no reason, then I would know something was up) and be fine with that, than to find out that even that has been taken from me because of this fucking MS.

I am about to start taking Rebif for my MS, and I know it doesn't repair any damage, just arrests further damage from happening (for the most part), I hold out hope that at some point, I'll be able to regain even these things that were taken from me.  Things that I had actually taken for granted, to be honest.  Just knowing random things about total strangers, or if I'm bored and can't sleep, I can leave my body and do whatever...those things are no longer things I can do since the onset of my MS.

For now.

ADDED:  I just now did a trial run for using my Qi-Gong to give the still unborn son of a friend of mine some chi.  Not only did I feel like I could pump out enough chi for a fetus to be born with a "power level" (to use a Dragonball Z phrase to effectively describe what the idea is) but those tools seem to be nearly as strong as they once were. I guess when one is motivated be something like wanting to assist the development of a child...